As an upcoming senior, there is a lot that I’m afraid of. The unpredictable news about the Coronavirus has been making us strangers to the future. Staying in my boxed room, I can’t help but think about what is going to happen.

The fear of not being able to retake the SAT. It is 7:45 pm on June 3 and I’m waiting to register online for the fall exam. As I log in, I fear that the seats are already filled with other students who need to take the test. Refreshing the page, only to make it load slower, brings butterflies to my stomach. My parents have been saying since day one that this one test will show colleges what you are capable of. It has a huge impact on your future. After sitting at the dinner table with my laptop and registering for two more tests, more thoughts come to mind. What if the College Board cancels more tests? What if I won’t be accepted into the college I want because of my previous score?

The fear of asking for teacher recommendation letters. Building a bond between your teachers is very important when applying for college. Many colleges require teacher recommendation letters. With my junior year cut short by three months, asking my teachers for recommendations will be an obstacle. With only one teacher in mind to ask, I am stressing over who else to ask. 

The fear of missing out on my senior year. Senior year is well known as the year of fun and rewards and it could potentially be taken away from me. Ever since I walked into Francis Lewis as a freshman, I have been waiting for that last and final year of joy. There have been rumors that there will be another system of how students will attend school next year. Some teachers are claiming that students will alternate school days. Others are saying that the number of students in each classroom will be reduced. However, nothing has been confirmed.

The fear of losing my friends. From seeing my friends every day to not seeing them at all is a drastic change. I have lost touch with many friends over the long break from school. Not being able to see them in person when walking in the hallways brings sadness to my heart. I prefer talking in person than looking down at a phone and only communicating through small text bubbles. Personally, I tend to struggle and worry about friendships drifting. Social distancing affects me tremendously and has really tested my emotional state. I don’t know who to text or call when in distress. I can’t help but wonder if my friends and I will be strangers when all of this is over. 

The fear of losing my touch in drill. Being on a team that practices non-stop during the school year, we learn to build muscle. We rely on our muscle memory to help with our precision. I have lost my muscles. This has been the longest any of us have been away from a rifle, which is surprisingly shocking how I’m often called a “drill freak”. Since competition season will be starting before we know it, I also fear that we will not be able to practice enough. Since freshman year, I have been counting the days to PG ‘21. Senior year is supposed to be the final year where we showcase our talent and hard work throughout the four years we have dedicated to the team. However, as I said before, that could also potentially be taken away from us. 

The Coronavirus has affected everyone within the Francis Lewis community, whether it is related to their family, friends, school, or physical and mental state. I am still trying to comprehend all that is happening in the world, but all I know is that major changes will occur and I’m not ready for it.